I recently ran into an old classmate, Q. During our chat, we talked about another classmate, L. This conversation made me think a lot and helped me discover a bug that many “former top students” have.
Today, let’s talk about this topic.
A True Story
L was my classmate in middle school. Back then, his grades were okay—decent in science, but just above average. In high school, he was in Class 3 or 4 (I can’t remember exactly), while Q and I were in Class 1.
Our grade had about 10 classes. Classes 1-2 were the top classes, 3-4 were second-tier, and 5-10 were regular classes. Q and I had always done well in middle school, often ranking in the top of our grade, so we naturally got into Class 1 in high school.
Back then, we all thought that with L’s grades, his future would probably be… well, just okay.
But more than ten years later, things turned out completely different.
L is now the vice principal of the school our kids attend. And Q and me? While we’re doing alright, career-wise we’re clearly not as successful as L. I can’t say 100% about income, but at least in terms of reputation and social status, we’re definitely not on his level.
A Conversation That Made Me Think
I recently bumped into Q, and as two moms, our conversation naturally turned to our kids’ education. When she mentioned the school, she brought up L.
Q: “Can you believe L became the vice principal of our kids’ school? Do you know what subject he teaches?”
Me: “No idea. We don’t really interact much—just say hi when we see each other. I only found out he was vice principal after my kid enrolled.”
Q: “Well, this school has so many vice principals, I don’t even know what they all do.”
Me: “They must have their own responsibilities. One evening when I was picking up my kid, I saw him arranging transportation for the district exams.” (In our area, major exams are held at centralized locations, and schools usually arrange buses)
Q: “Just arranging buses?”
Me: “Not sure. We haven’t seen each other in years—I can’t just ask him ‘what do you teach?'”
Q: “True. But I really don’t know what he could teach.”
At this point, I couldn’t help but notice the sourness in her tone.
Q: “The teachers at their school are so quiet, they don’t say anything. They never communicate in the group chat.”
Me: “I think the teachers are fine. Have you met them in person? From what I’ve seen, science teachers tend to be quieter—typical engineer types. Liberal arts teachers are usually more talkative.”
Q: “Oh right, my kid’s homeroom teacher teaches physics.”
What Did I Hear?
From this conversation, I picked up on a very subtle emotion: resentment.
Resentment about what? Resentment that someone who didn’t do as well as us in school is now more successful.
Every sentence Q said carried this emotion:
- “Can you believe L became vice principal?”—surprise and disbelief
- “Do you know what subject he teaches?”—subtext: “What could he possibly teach?”
- “I really don’t know what he could teach.”—directly questioning his competence
- “Just arranging buses?”—implying his work isn’t technically demanding
These comments sound like casual chat, but they’re actually denying L’s achievements, trying to convince herself that “he’s not that great.”
The Top Student’s Bug: Living in Past Glory
This conversation made me realize that many “former top students” have a bug: We stay stuck in the glory of our school days, never considering that 20 years after graduation, everything changes.
We got used to being recognized, praised, and admired in school. We got used to the logic that “I have better grades than you, so I’m better than you.”
But after leaving school, that logic no longer applies.
Success is no longer just about grades. It’s about:
- Your learning ability
- Your adaptability
- Your relationships
- Your opportunities
- Your effort
Maybe in these 20 years, L worked harder than us. Maybe he encountered a great opportunity. Maybe his abilities in certain areas far exceed our imagination.
But we don’t want to admit these things. We’d rather believe “he just got lucky” or “he’s not that great.”
The Four Stages of Achievement
I remember a theory about achievement that says success requires four stages:
- Read ten thousand books—acquire knowledge
- Travel ten thousand miles—broaden your horizons
- Learn from masters—study under experts
- Practice and refine—grow through practice
If we only stay at the first step, or stay stuck as our teenage selves, that’s obviously very narrow-minded.
Time can change many things. Twenty years is enough for a person to transform completely.
Maybe in these 20 years, L traveled extensively, learned from many mentors, and constantly refined himself through practice. And us? Maybe we’re still stuck in the self-comfort of “I had better grades than you back then.”
Why Can’t We Accept It Gracefully?
Honestly, I asked myself a question: Why can’t we gracefully accept that classmates who didn’t do as well as us in school are now more successful?
Why can’t we genuinely be happy for them? Why can’t we reflect on whether we’ve worked as hard as them in these 20 years?
The answer is simple and brutal: human nature.
People don’t want those who started at the same starting line to surpass them by too much. Especially those who weren’t as good as us back then.
This is a very subtle psychology:
- If someone who had better grades than me is now successful, I think “that’s normal, they were always excellent.”
- But if someone who didn’t do as well as me is now successful, I think “why? They weren’t as good as me back then.”
This psychology is actually a self-protection mechanism. We don’t want to admit we’re not as good as others in some ways, so we find all kinds of reasons to deny others’ achievements.
What Should We Do?
After recognizing this bug, I asked myself: What should I do?
First, accept reality.
L is indeed more successful than me now, at least career-wise. That’s a fact, and there’s nothing to deny.
Second, reflect on myself.
What have I done in these 20 years? Have I been stuck in the comfort zone of “I had good grades back then”? Have I not been learning and working as hard as L?
Third, learn from him.
Since L could grow from a “above-average student” to a vice principal, he must have something worth learning. I should try to understand how he did it, rather than questioning “what he could teach.”
Fourth, let go of past glory.
The fact that “I had good grades back then” was 20 years ago. It doesn’t represent who I am now, and certainly not who I’ll be in the future. I need to let go of this burden and start fresh.
Final Thoughts
This conversation with Q made me see my own reflection.
I’ve had similar thoughts before. When I heard that a classmate who didn’t do as well as me in school was now very successful, I also felt a moment of resentment, also thought “why them?”
But now I understand: Grades are just the starting point of life, not the endpoint.
Twenty years is enough to change everything. What matters isn’t who had better grades back then, but who worked harder, who was more willing to learn, and who could seize opportunities in these 20 years.
So, if you’re also a “former top student,” if you also have similar psychology, why not ask yourself:
- Am I still living in past glory?
- Am I using “I had good grades back then” to cover up my lack of effort now?
- Should I let go of the past and start fresh?
Life is long, and school is just a starting point. The real race begins after we leave school.
And this race has just begun.
Right? 😊
P.S. If you have similar experiences or feelings, feel free to connect with me. I’ve been in the packaging equipment industry for 10 years, constantly learning and reflecting. We can explore together how to live better in the second half of life.